The Price of Authenticity and the Gift of Patience

Dear Not So Secret Diary,

Lately, I’ve been reflecting through my journal about what love and connection really mean to me. Writing it down always shows me truths I didn’t realize I was holding, and these prompts in particular pulled something deep out of me. I want to share them here—not as perfect answers, but as part of my process of becoming.

What True Closeness Feels Like
Closeness to me feels like warmth. It feels safe, it feels spacious but also full. With closeness, I imagine being seen in ways I don’t have to explain. It feels like communication that never leaves room for confusion because honesty flows naturally. What makes it “true” is the way our hearts connect without performance or guessing.

Comfort vs. Authenticity
I’ve been sitting with the difference between comfort and authenticity in relationships. Comfort, for me, has started to feel like laziness—a thing I do that isn’t truly healthy. Most of my “comforts” happen sitting still, and while rest is a good thing, comfort can sometimes destroy dreams.

Authenticity, on the other hand, is costly. It’s being myself fully, flaws and all, while still striving to grow. For others to see my authenticity means they see how much it costs me—my energy, my time, my heart. On the outside I may look joyous and loving, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t come at a price.

The Trap of Sweet-Looking Things
One of the hardest truths I admitted to myself is how often I’ve accepted things that look “sweet” on the surface but aren’t nourishing to my soul. For me, that’s looked like settling for relationships I don’t truly want, just because I’m tired of waiting. I pray for my husband, for the family and home I desire, but sometimes impatience makes me want to grab whatever is in front of me. It feels like being stuck in a traffic jam—wanting to move forward so badly that I’ll take the wrong exit just to feel motion. But even as I admit this, I know I have to keep praying, keep holding out for what’s real.

Patience Over Forcing Connection
This lesson is the hardest for me: reminding myself that being patient is better than forcing a connection. When I was alone, it felt easy not to force anything. I had the freedom to fast, cry, be silent, and express myself fully. Now, being around people, I sometimes feel like I have to “fall in line.”

What I’m learning is that patience isn’t passive. It’s choosing to fill my life with the things I know I want for my future—creating routines, visualizing my home, planning for travel, choosing my style, even imagining the dog I’ll one day have. These small acts of preparation keep me grounded in the bigger picture and remind me that settling is not the answer.

Closing:
Journaling through these questions reminded me that my healing isn’t about rushing into love or forcing connections—it’s about building the foundation for the love I know I deserve. True closeness, authenticity, patience—these aren’t things that come overnight. They’re cultivated choices, and every time I choose them, I step closer to the life I’m creating.

Take a moment to journal: What has authenticity cost you, and what has patience given you?