When Healing Hurts: My Journey Through Daddy Issues and God’s Love

I first identified my daddy issues after praying to God saying that I was ready to meet my husband.

That summer, I was working with my daughter’s father so we could uncomplicate our relationship and figure out how to be there for her together separately. What I didn’t expect was that spending so much time with him would awaken feelings I hadn’t felt since I was a little girl.

Abandonment.
Rejection.
Loneliness.
Unlovable.

At first, I didn’t even have words for them. What I did notice was an old urge rising up inside me—the desire to smoke, drink, and numb myself. Those cravings had been dormant for years, so their return was my first clue that something deeper was going on.

From there, I followed the emotions. I named them. As a child, I never had the language for what I was feeling. But now, as an adult, I could finally see them for what they were. The problem was, these emotions were so strong and consuming that they began to tear at my self-love. At one point, I even felt ready to give up everything just to make the pain stop.

Praying for Help

About a week into coparenting, I started praying to God for help with “whatever this was.” And that’s when He showed me—this wasn’t something to be prayed away. These emotions were rising to the surface for a reason. I couldn’t ignore them. I had to endure them. I had to process them.

God revealed holes in my “healing” that I didn’t even know were there. And He made it clear: husband or not, this was work I needed to do.

The Pain of Breaking

The pain was horrible. I was dealing with these emotions in real time, but they also transported me back to childhood—back to the moments when I first felt them. It was like being in a dark space both literally and figuratively. They felt invisible, because no one else could see them, but I could feel them pressing down on me.

At first, I didn’t even understand what was happening or why. It was so much pain at once—constant, throbbing, sharp. And yet, I began to think: maybe this is what people feel when a bone has to be broken in order to heal properly.

That’s what this felt like—my heart breaking so it could be set right.

Choosing to Heal

There were moments I wondered if partnership was even worth it. If healing for love meant this much pain, was it worth the fight? But every time I reached my breaking point, one truth carried me through:

“I will heal. God will not leave me nor forsake me. He has exceedingly and abundantly prepared for me, and I just need to make it through this.”

So instead of trying to run from the pain, I decided to lean into it. Healing takes time. It requires feeling and processing everything, without shortcuts.

Because when I do finally meet my partner, I want to offer a love that is whole, warm, and bright. Because I’ve cleared the darkness out of my heart, there will be even more space for more love.

What I’ve Learned About Healing

• Healing isn’t linear. Maybe I wasn’t cycling backward though—maybe I was cycling up.

• Healing is intentional. It’s a choice you have to keep making, even when it feels like the fight is bigger than you anticipated.

• Rest. Reflect. Read. Give yourself grace in the process. Always be open to the idea that there is something you don't know. Look back over your actions to make sure they align with who you are.

Where I Am Now

Right now, I’m still in the breaking. But I trust that God is rebuilding me with a love that lasts.

If you’re in this place too, please don’t give up. The pain is real, but so is the healing.

Have you ever realized you weren’t as healed as you thought? Join Capree's Cozy Corner on Facebook and share your story—I’d love to hear from you.